We all have those sour moments in our lives where we wish they were diluted or never experienced in the first place. My unpleasantries might be far different than yours, or we can relate to each other.  But according to statistics, my story might be regrettably relatable by many.

In a nutshell, I was married, for 10 years, in fact, separated shortly thereafter, and three years later I instantly became divorced and a single mother of an eight-year-old when I signed on the dotted black line. How did my life get to this point? That was a question that played on loop years before this day. But I signed the divorce decree, and I did so with confidence and determination.  I was confident in knowing I didn’t give up on my marriage (rather, I was adhering to his request), and I was determined to not be the stereotypical divorcee that would live a life of bitterness.

What happened, happened. No longer did I have a husband or my townhome that housed my family of three and my two dogs. Instead, my new norm consisted of a condo that I shared with my daughter and younger sister, and my daughter’s puppy. For years I would wake up asking the most bizarre question, “Is this my life now?” I’d ask that question every day with the same shock as the first day I uttered it.

When I’d reflect, I told myself not too much had technically changed except I no longer was someone’s wife, and I lost my best friend. Marriages end. I was aware of this before I said “I do.” Friendships break up. I learned this early on in my childhood. Yet, the state of embarrassment, feeling lost and being dumbfounded weighed heavily.

I was married to my first boyfriend, first love, and first lover. We had the same moral values, were a part of the same religion, and as he was my first in everything, I was his. So what happened? Infidelity happened.

How did I miss the clues? I didn’t. I chose to ignore them. This is denial at its best. My ex started to work out constantly, bring home home-baked cupcakes from work in honor of his birthday, play phone games with her, and he eventually lost his sexual desire for me. If the latter isn’t numbing, coupled with mortifying, I’m unsure what is. Being viewed as undesirable to the one person you’ve given yourself to sexually is mentally crippling.

As I’ve been told, and I do agree in part, a marriage breaks due to both parties. Now, to the depth of breakage is a different story. I did have resentment that came out during arguments. I showed a side of anger that spewed unfiltered remarks, which I never want to exhibit again. I resented never feeling accepted or defended; always being told to “turn the other cheek” when a disagreement arose between me and a member of his family. I resented never feeling good enough. I just never fully had that partner. You know, the partner that battled the wars with you, not allowing ones to stab you unarmed because he was holding down your sword to your side. This ensued lots of emotions that I couldn’t maturely express without going for the jugular. That is my fault. It always will be, and I acknowledge such.

But I will never believe that justifies the final act he took. Deception, manipulation, and  unfaithfulness are tough actions to accept. Nor should anyone have to accept them. Yet, I did, four long months, but the final words of, “I’m in love with her,” was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Being cheated on leads to numerous insecurities. You can easily view yourself as unworthy, unattractive, unlovable. We can choose to stay in the situation because of guilt with our own actions (mine being my speech), obligations to our child or children, not knowing your worth, or not wanting to be a statistic. Community, friends, family-you are viewed so differently when the truth comes out.

I hid my marital (or lack thereof) state from my extended family. As it was, my friends and religious community already got wind of my new situation, and the embarrassment was overwhelming. Despite not being the ultimate wrongdoer, I felt judged. If I wasn’t being judged, I was given high-level sympathy. Both made the feelings of embarrassment and sadness come to a new height for me. I was beyond grateful for the sympathy, but the sad eyes brought more sad tears to my own.

Divisions began. Friends chose sides. His family members showed me sympathy. Yet, through time, your situation becomes forgotten.

People go on with their own lives, and you have to still figure out this “new norm” that’s upon you. I began to drift away from friends. I didn’t want to hear about their problems; believing mine was more devastating, so hearing about a quarrel that took place between my friend and her husband didn’t seem to be a “true problem” in my eyes. Yes, I will admit, my thought process was self absorbed, immature, inconsiderate, very cold, and demeaning. I just couldn’t relate to my couple friends anymore. I was no longer a “couple” with anyone. Divorced. Single. Those were my societal labels. And what I would give to have a partner…to be a couple.

Through the years (it’s been eight years since my separation and divorce) a lot of emotions have been had. Feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, confusion, regret, hopelessness, self doubt, empowerment, determination, joyousness, carefreeness, hopefulness, positivity and pride have been experienced. Sometimes I’d feel more of the positive emotions versus the negative, or other times vice versa. The mood could easily shift from one extreme to another in a matter of minutes.

Life happens, that’s the popular slogan of many. It’s true. Life does happen, but does it have to affect us in the most negative way, or are we capable of bouncing back with more force, more confidence, more gusto than before? Of course. Of course the bouncing back is possible. What’s probable is we’ll get in our heads so early on that we stop the development of getting stronger, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, which isn’t as far away as we might imagine.

So this, this is where we personally have a choice. Do we sweeten our life’s lemonade or allow it to be sour? And this is where I enthusiastically reply with, “sugar, please!”