Thought no one: At 40 I’m going to be single, a mother of a teenager, leave an elite profession of 19 years to become a receptionist and feel more alive than I’ve felt in a really long time.  Yet, this is me.

Never had I thought happiness could be derived with such circumstances.  From a young age, I had the mentality that happiness was one path; where you found your prince charming, married off into the sunset, worked in a prestigious field, built a family that consisted of two children, preferably a boy and a girl, all residing in a single-family home with a picket white fence so the dog, Buster, could roam freely.

Yes, those were my thoughts, and the reality is, by having them, I just boxed myself in.  I falsely told myself that my happiness was contingent only if all of those aspects of my life came to fruition.  Without one aspect being fulfilled, happiness couldn’t be had, or so I thought.

No wonder when my marriage broke, I was a mother of one gorgeous girl versus two children, living in a condo versus a single-family home, wrecked my mental state.  I believed I failed.  I believed my happiness couldn’t be had.  Why?  Because in my eyes, happiness only had one appearance.  It was not multifaceted.  It only looked and felt one way.

The moment you dilute, shred and disregard false beliefs of what happiness looks like, THEN you find it.  You open yourself up to stop feeling restricted, exhausted, and obligated to settle.  You truly start to live versus living to check off boxes.

Goals are essential.  Dreams are magical.  Desires are paramount.  It’s the moment that you seek a societal facade as being happiness that is dangerous.  And, yet, this is what I did.  I had lived to check off the boxes that society portrays as winning.  I had a self-inflicted timeline that I had to meet.  Then today I ask myself, did working in a high-demand profession bring me happiness?  No.  It brought me stress and remorse.  Did just being married bring me happiness?  No.  I allowed myself to lose a sense of me, and I was filled with resentment.

By the box being broken for me, which started with my marriage ending, I then realized I have to continue tearing apart the box that I put myself in.  Life is already challenging, so why am I inflicting perceptions onto myself?

The moment you rise up for you, start pursuing endeavors you’ve dreamt of, freeness becomes immediate.  A sense of self is guaranteed.  These feelings, THAT is happiness.

Of course I would enjoy a partner, but not just to have a partner to have one.  Of course I would love at least another child, but not just to state I have two children.  But just because these circumstances haven’t arisen for me, cannot steal my joy.  If they fall upon my lap, they will add to my happiness, not be the epitome of it.  Why?  Because happiness with self is where true happiness is found, and that, I’ve learned, is winning.

Escape being boxed in.  Expand your horizons.  Free your spirit by being you to the fullest versus shrinking back to live a mediocre life.  Don’t settle by saying you’re okay.  Strive to say you are happy.

Cast away the beliefs of what your life is supposed to be and start living the life that’s already yours, and create the avenues you want to seek.  Pursue and fully understand you, and voila, your happiness will be acquired.  This takes leaps to accomplish, but my god, when you get there, it’s the truest form of freedom, love and euphoria.  Ask yourself, Don’t I deserve to experience this?  Then immediately respond with,  I most certainly do.

I don’t have all the answers.  Yet, I know for myself the moment I chose to make unapologetic movements for me, I internally blossomed uncontrollably, and the same will be for you. Hiding from yourself is never the answer.  Creating for yourself always is.

Be the wild flower that grows amid the weeds.  For when you do, this is when you evolve into your trueness, and we all have to admit, trueness is just undeniably beautiful.  Reflect.  Change.  Then set free your radiant, true, authentic self, and within a blink of an eye you will become a beacon to the universe.  Then just shine on.  Shine on, beautiful one…