Undressing and dressing in the dark was my pattern.  If I wanted to slightly change the redundancy of such a secretive act, I’d opt to undress and dress with my back towards the mirror. When I wanted to be brave, those few times of bravery, where I faced the mirror front on and smiled, I detested my reflection.  Naturally darkened circles under my eyes.  Crooked teeth.  Acne scars.  Fine lines.  That’s what I saw.  As I lowered my gaze, the view became more horrifying.  Breasts that were just there.  No lift.  No umph.  A waist that expanded with a side order of love handles, ending with the combination of stretch marks, cellulite and varicose veins as the grand finale.  I cried, ugly cried, at the sight I saw before me.  Almost daily I’d hit my stomach, pinch my love handles, and smooth out the skin on my legs to wish the flaws I saw were nonexistent.  Externally, in the real world, outside of my four-walled bedroom, I personified false confidence through conceit and false security through togetherness with my overall appearance.  Yet, the moment I walked into my bedroom, my confidence and security, both deceptive tactics, would fall to the wayside as rapidly as I unhinged my bra single handedly.

These days are so real, so close in time, despite the reality that years have passed since, but I can vividly see myself having these damaging thoughts and creating detestable facial reactions to my reflection.  If I could speak to myself years ago while I was self loathing, dissecting every part of my body, I would remind myself of this: “Your darkened circles are your genetics.  Your crooked teeth, while not perfection to you, still doesn’t take away from the beauty of your smile.  Your acne scars are your marks of puberty.  Your fine lines memorialize times of sorrow and joyousness.  Your breasts fed a child, as you brought a human being into this universe, and with that your stomach lost its tightness, and now regarding your stretch marks, they too symbolize that you brought life into this world.  Yet, this, all of this, is beautiful.  Embrace each aspect of what your body has evolved to.  You are a woman, an alluring woman, whose physical presence is unique from head to toe.”

We tend to severely tear ourselves apart due to what we, yes we, view as flaws, and this is where I ask us all to stop.  Stop being critical of ourselves.  Stop being critical of others.  Don’t convince yourself that your reflection isn’t beauty.  Similarly, don’t tell others what will make them more beautiful.  See yourself and tell yourself you are unique, and what you see in your reflection is character, and then see the same in others.

Let’s be free, free from our mental nitpicks, to where we see ourselves looking back at us, and we can only smile with captivation, knowing we are unique and gorgeous as we are.  Show gentleness and compassion to the person that looks back at you; yes, to your reflection.  In fact, cherish the view.  Granted, you are not like so-and-so, and that’s why you’re perfect.  For you are perfectly you.  Your face, your body, your overall look, adds flavor to this world and a testament to your individuality, so stop stripping and sabotaging your ability to love you; to love all of you. Marvel at the image you see before the mirror.  For you, in your entirety, add goodness to this not-so-kind world as we know it.

I am honored you are here with me, even if I haven’t met you, as I believe due to your existence my world is enhanced; for you add character and diversity to the world I live in.  So here is a vow I’ve made to myself, and I ask the same of you now: Admire yourself before admiring others and love all of you, as all of you deserves to be loved.  Remember that you are perfectly imperfect, and remind yourself to never want it any other way.  Forever.fully.love.you.