2023, you’ve been strenuous. You wiped my smile away more times than it’s made its appearance. I’ve sat in more emergency room lobbies at ungodly hours than ever foreseen. You snatched away two of my uncles; uncles that I will never get a chance to greet with a kiss, nor even share an exchange of smiles and laughter with. Simultaneously, you stole a lovely family friend whose perfect smile and red lipstick I can still vividly envision, and her gentle embrace is one I have and will sincerely miss. 

Heartache and worries have consumed most of my thoughts, and in essence, feeling weak and weary have been the result. I will never believe that my struggles are more than yours. They’re just different. Yet, I’m here, and you’re here, too. We endured. We prevailed. We have kept on.

With my personal hurdles, clarity, like the following have developed-trying to love a partner whose spirit is truly unhealed only brings grief and pain my way. I can never and will never get today back, therefore, I must frequently say “I love you” to my dear friends and family. Resets don’t have to take place every first of the year, but rather can be done on the daily. Friendships, like relationships, takes mutual effort to be sustained, current bonds can heighten even more than ever imagined, and old friendships can resurface to serve an unforeseen purpose; where they bring laughter from reminiscing and thought-provoking perspectives that are more timely than expected.

Life is uncanny for each of us, and we all have our own silent battles that we mask with a grin for the public. Maybe, just maybe, if we invested more time to have heart-to-heart conversations, we could help in the healing process for those of us that are barely above water. Almost hitting rock bottom this year, because I acknowledge that I hit my lowest of lows, I personally am grateful for the ones that took the time to text, DM, call and unexpectedly knock on my front door just to give me a hug; no words, just a long, tight embrace that gave me unspoken permission to weep without embarrassment. It’s these humane moments that enabled me to keep persevering.

Make the call. Send the text. Knock on the door. Allow the vulnerability. Expose your fears. Make the plans and commit to them. Stop the settling. Have the difficult conversations. Discontinue believing you have time. This is what 2023 has reinforced for me.

I don’t go into the next year with a false belief that it will be perfect or even remotely better, because personally I feel that could be setting myself up for disappointment. Rather, I end 2023 with the mindset that being alive means life will absolutely and undoubtedly produce some scars, but my learning curve, the last 12 months, has been that I, just like you, will get through it. 

So, here’s to slamming the door to 2023. You’ve made me mourn my beloved ones, but with this grief I vow to use as fuel to make them proud, and you’ve given me some regrets, but with these regrets I have analyzed and spotted unhealthy patterns, which have then evolved into lifelong lessons. Henceforth, 2023, while you didn’t leave me unscathed, you unequivocally have left me, and my reader, wiser and stronger, and so for this, I cannot be too angry. Instead, I, with more strength, more umpf, more conviction and more bravery, raise my wine glass and proclaim, “Sayonara 2023, and Bonjour dear 2024. I’ve got this. You’ve got this. Now, let us cheers!”