They say living is about learning. With choices, there’s paths that lead you to great destinations and others that lead you to heartache. With my life choices, I have received both, combined with a handful of regrets. Yet, to wallow in my regrets is something I refuse. Rather, I seek to allow them to serve as cues for what I cannot repeat.

A collection of my regrets are as follows: Always having a timeline of rigidness, rushing to grow up, staying in a profession at the expense of my happiness, silencing my voice, staying in a marriage longer than I should have, never taking chances, ignoring my gut, suppressing my true desires, holding onto friendships that caused me more distress than joy, staying stationary. These regrets are ones that sting when I admit them, but my ultimate, most personal regret that causes me major heartache to date is almost losing my gay sister.

I regret that she believed that I would shun her because of the religious beliefs I was implementing in my life at the time she needed me the most. I regret being so consumed with my world, living in my bubble, that I didn’t see the pain my sister was battling right before my eyes. My one-eye open persona almost cost me my greatest childhood gift; my sibling. Every time I belly laugh with her, vacation with her, observe her stepping up and going beyond the aunt role to my girl, I’m immediately reminded of how close I was to missing out on this; on her. While this regret is aching, it reminds me of this: I solely dictate who to love.

Growing up I never saw the gray areas in life. In fact, they were nonexistent. Religiously speaking, things were either right or wrong; allowed or prohibited. Exceptions were never noted. If I kept my beliefs, it would have been expected of me to bond with those likeminded and repel my flesh and blood due to her attraction to women. Casting such judgment, even subconsciously, almost cost me a chunk of my world.

To be judged by family, friends, or even strangers for being honest, raw and vulnerable of how you are is shame on the judgers, not shame on the truth blowers. Those stepping up, admitting their loves, interests or desires while knowing they will be shunned or scoffed at have something to teach us: rise up and just be you. I failed my sister in the past for the mere fact that she didn’t feel I would support her if I knew her truth. That’s shame on me, not shame on her. This is where I strongly encourage to express your love and relentless support to those you cherish. That reassurance, despite how little you might view it, just might be lifesaving to the recipient.

For you, you may disagree with her homosexuality. You may stare and snicker, but I stand beside her. My sister is in her own class, not due to sexuality, but due to personality. To have been narrowminded would have limited the love, support and value my life has been enhanced exclusively because of hers. Yes, she is younger, but her existence has made me become a student and her a teacher, and for that I am humbled.

As for my regrets, I state this: You have molded me. I rejoice in what you have taught me. You are a constant reminder of what I don’t want to repeat, and if I do, it’s shame on me. The regret I have regarding my sister has made me commit to this: The love for her will never, ever be anything but blinding, so much so she can never have a doubt if I will stand beside her. Bluntly stated, she will know that’s guaranteed. I will not close my heart off to loving her because of whom she chooses to love. Instead, my heart is patiently awaiting to embrace the woman she chooses as her partner.

This world, yes, that includes you and I, have so much to learn from gorgeous souls like my sister. Accept and embrace. Expand your heart and open your mind. Allow a regret to turn into a reminder. Cease the judgement (even the unspoken ones); Continue to love…