“God has a sense of humor,” was a sentiment spoken to me often. I used to laugh when those words were spoken, despite inside feeling like that wasn’t the full truth or even truth at all. Maybe those words were stated to soften the blow of a circumstance that just couldn’t be, but life is about ownership. We all have choices, responsibility and accountability, but it’s so simple at times to cast blame elsewhere to avoid standing up to our own decisions. Yet, never taking responsibility just creates a repetitive cycle; one where you’re either hurting others or stagnating your own growth. With ownership, you grow, and through reflection you heal.

I should have continued my passion for dance and submitted my audition tape to the school I dreamt of attending. I should have stopped being a people pleaser well before I hit adulthood. While married, I should have sought professional counseling for coping mechanisms regarding family division and anxiety. I should have ended friendships sooner for the sake of my self esteem. I should have said “yes” to a lunch date. I should have built my own boundaries of what I felt was right and wrong versus following what I was just told. I should have never put myself on hold. I should have always known my worth.

I could choose to live in the “should-have” mindset, but how far does that take a person? Life is given for us to make the most of it; to explore, experience and enjoy. My hesitancies, if removed, might have taken me on a different path, but that path doesn’t guarantee a better state in any capacity. My sole decisions have led me here, this I realize, and here is where I need and truly should be.

Through my “should haves” I have learned. I’ve learned the importance of pursuing what creates the spark within, how asking for and seeking professional assistance is not a weakness but rather courageous, that not all friendships are beneficial, saying “yes” to unexpected opportunities could lead to greater adventures, that it is for myself to create my boundaries, and last, but never least, when you find the value you hold within, your standards heighten, and with heightened standards, you don’t wait to be properly loved. Rather, you take love for yourself by the horns and do for you instead of waiting for another individual to do the loving for you.

So while I could cast blame to God, or if you prefer to use another reference, I can’t and I won’t. Because for me to do so is alleviating the responsibility off of my own doing, and that just isn’t the reality. Mistakes, misfortunes, mishaps all happen because of our choices, but it’s how we respond to this reality that is life changing.

The moment we stop projecting our misfortunes onto someone or something else, we lose the crutch and can walk. We lose being the victim and stop being the attendee of our own pity party, and we just live. Live for today with having yesterday’s “should haves” being your reminders of what you don’t want to repeat versus allowing them to be what suffocates you, what prohibits you from moving forward. Once you truly take the time to reflect on your choices and take accountability for the ones that held you back, you become awakened. You feel lifted and unburdened, and you have just grown. In fact, you have just tossed the crutch and have walked. I choose to walk. Better yet, I choose to leap…